A couple people have commented or emailed asking what I'm doing right now, so I thought I'd just go ahead and post about it.
Recently, I've been transitioning from being what they call a "floater" pharmacist to being in one store- my store, the one I've worked at as an intern for 5 years. I'm working under my mentor, and my hours are also getting shifted around, so it's causing some stress. Because of that, I've increased my daily dose of Imodium to a whole tablet at bedtime. Unfortunately, I've gotten pretty stopped up, so I quickly dropped back down to a half tablet at bedtime.
As a pharmacist, my life doesn't allow me to follow any type of diet. A lot of you have mentioned the FODMAP diet, but, honestly, I don't have time to figure that out right now. Along with still trying to get used to my schedule, we're also building a house right now which takes up a ton of my free time. When I work, I work from 8am to 10pm, and it's rare that I get to eat, let alone pee or sit or grab a sip of water. So any type of diet I would try would get screwed up every other day.
On my days off, I'm too exhausted from the day before and thinking about the next day of work to do anything other than pop a freezer meal in the microwave. My diet is pitiful. On my off days, I've been eating a bagel with peanut butter (for protein, so my blood sugar doesn't drop low) for breakfast, a snack for lunch, and a frozen Lean Cuisine meal for dinner. I of course have my safe Lean Cuisine meals- not all of them work for me, so I stick to 2-3 of them and repeat them day after day. On days that I work, I have the same breakfast and try to sneak in a protein bar and Rice Krispie bar (for a quick bit of sugar so I don't pass out) around 7pm when I start to feel faint, but I'm lucky if I get time for that.
This is killing me because I had gotten SO close to 140 pounds, which has been my goal since I got super sick after food poisoning 7 years ago. Now that I'm not able to eat hardly anything every other day, I'm dropping back down. Also, although I always thought that avoiding food would make me feel better when I was sick, I'm feeling worse and worse. I need to find some safe foods that I can take with me to work. Trying to eat while I know I'm going to be stuck at work for 10+ more hours is pretty terrifying.
So the answer to the question about what I'm doing right now, in a nutshell, is failing. It's mostly working- I haven't had a loose stool in a while, but that's mostly due to not eating very much and taking a higher dose of Imodium than I require. I've been bloated almost constantly, though, and it gets pretty painful somewhat often. And, of course, I'm just feeling weak and too skinny again. I've got to figure something out.
Do you guys have any ideas for safe, quick work foods- ones that I don't have to eat with my hands? (Remember, I'm a germaphobe who works in a pharmacy full of sick patients.) I'd love your input.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Spending my life in the bathroom
URGENCY, wake up out of a dead sleep, run to the bathroom, sit on the toilet for half an hour while nothing happens. Legs go numb, stand up, wash hands, URGENCY, sit back down, repeat.
Go down to eat breakfast, put bagel in toaster, URGENCY, try to hold it off til after breakfast, eat breakfast, go upstairs, sit on toilet for half an hour, poop one pebble, horrible cramps while everything readjusts.
Get finished getting ready to go to work, URGENCY, sit down on toilet, nothing-you're late for work now.
Get home from work, have a fairly quiet evening, get tired enough to go peacefully to bed, URGENCY, sit on toilet until you're sure you'll never walk again in hopes that you won't repeat this morning, nothing.
Go to sleep, URGENCY, wake up, repeat...over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...until you give up.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Partners
Having a significant other is great for many obvious reasons, but they are particularly useful when it comes to control over your mischievous urges.
Let me set this up for you: you just had a wonderful, small piece of a safe brand of pizza (if you're lucky enough to be at a place in your life where you can handle pizza), and you suddenly feel completely and utterly miserable. You're super bloated and might even be experiencing some urgency. You say, "Baby, don't let me eat a single thing for the rest of the night. Water only."
Now, fast forward a couple of hours. The bloating has dissipated and you're no longer having urgency; the threat of an episode is no more. You open up the pantry and see a snack that you really want, so you grab it and head out to the couch. Your significant other says, "Whoa whoa whoa. You said you couldn't eat anything else all night." You respond with, "Well, yeah, but I feel fine now!" They say, "Put it back."
Grrrr. But goodness how helpful that is! Because you just know that you'd be down for the count if you would have actually eaten the snack. So don't forget to ask your boo to help you stick to your guns and keep your stomach happier than it would have been if you had given into your urge to snack after an almost-episode. It might almost help them feel like they have some control over the thing that has indirectly changed their life too.
Let me set this up for you: you just had a wonderful, small piece of a safe brand of pizza (if you're lucky enough to be at a place in your life where you can handle pizza), and you suddenly feel completely and utterly miserable. You're super bloated and might even be experiencing some urgency. You say, "Baby, don't let me eat a single thing for the rest of the night. Water only."
Now, fast forward a couple of hours. The bloating has dissipated and you're no longer having urgency; the threat of an episode is no more. You open up the pantry and see a snack that you really want, so you grab it and head out to the couch. Your significant other says, "Whoa whoa whoa. You said you couldn't eat anything else all night." You respond with, "Well, yeah, but I feel fine now!" They say, "Put it back."
Grrrr. But goodness how helpful that is! Because you just know that you'd be down for the count if you would have actually eaten the snack. So don't forget to ask your boo to help you stick to your guns and keep your stomach happier than it would have been if you had given into your urge to snack after an almost-episode. It might almost help them feel like they have some control over the thing that has indirectly changed their life too.
Friday, January 11, 2013
Routines
I've been a worrywart lately, and I wasn't really sure what I was so nervous about until now.
Obviously, building a house is a very stressful thing, but so far I've been having fun with it. It's given me something to do and, more importantly, something exciting to save for finally. The whole affording it thing is always in the back of my mind, but, for the most part, it hasn't been a huge issue so far. But today it finally hit me that the part of the building process that has me freaked out is not the building at all- it's what happens after the house is built. We move in.
Yay! Exciting! Right? Wrong!! Being someone who has lived their whole life with IBS, I have grown very accustomed to my routines. I believe they are what has given me a mostly normal and predictable life. I don't want to get sick? I eat the same meals over and over and over again until food disgusts me and then pick another. I have a bad day? I spend the entire day at home in my bed, steps away from the same, comfortable bathroom I've used for 5 years with my meds all in a row downstairs in the medicine cabinet.
To any normal person this would seem childish. They'd think, "You grow up and move on. New things happen and you adapt to them," but being the so not normal person I am, I'm worrying about how I'm going to feel in my new bathroom. Is there going to be room for my emergency meds in there? Am I going to feel cramped? Our bed is going to be flipped, so my side will now be facing away from the bathroom, so am I going to be able to make it to the bathroom quickly in the middle of the night? Where am I going to put my meds so that I can find them quickly? And then there is ALL of the other routines that I've set up for myself in our current house that don't have to do with IBS. Where will I set my stuff when I come home from work? Where will we pile up the mail? Where will the dogs leashes go? Will I get so stressed out about all of the changes and cause an IBS flare up?
This should be such an exciting time in my life and while it is in some respects, I just can't get this nagging feeling out of my brain that the first year or so is going to be super stressful while we try to make new routines for ourselves in our new space.
There is, of course, another side to the story. We're getting a new fridge that will have so much more room for fresh food, and we'll have plenty of room to cook now. This could mean more home-cooked meals tailored to my diet. The dogs will have a fenced backyard to get all of their energy out so they'll be less annoying inside with us.
I just can't wait for them to get started building the house so I can start to visualize where I'm going to put everything and how I'm going to do my daily routines in the new space. I keep saying that I wish we could just fast forward 6 months and have it be done so I can stop worrying about what may be, but I don't know if I'm ready. I need to break down all of my routines and see if I can make it work in the new house. I just hope my IBS is up for the challenge because it's going to be a stressful 6 months while I get it all figured out.
Have any of you ever dealt with a move or something where you had to switch up your normal routines? How did you deal with it?
Obviously, building a house is a very stressful thing, but so far I've been having fun with it. It's given me something to do and, more importantly, something exciting to save for finally. The whole affording it thing is always in the back of my mind, but, for the most part, it hasn't been a huge issue so far. But today it finally hit me that the part of the building process that has me freaked out is not the building at all- it's what happens after the house is built. We move in.
Yay! Exciting! Right? Wrong!! Being someone who has lived their whole life with IBS, I have grown very accustomed to my routines. I believe they are what has given me a mostly normal and predictable life. I don't want to get sick? I eat the same meals over and over and over again until food disgusts me and then pick another. I have a bad day? I spend the entire day at home in my bed, steps away from the same, comfortable bathroom I've used for 5 years with my meds all in a row downstairs in the medicine cabinet.
To any normal person this would seem childish. They'd think, "You grow up and move on. New things happen and you adapt to them," but being the so not normal person I am, I'm worrying about how I'm going to feel in my new bathroom. Is there going to be room for my emergency meds in there? Am I going to feel cramped? Our bed is going to be flipped, so my side will now be facing away from the bathroom, so am I going to be able to make it to the bathroom quickly in the middle of the night? Where am I going to put my meds so that I can find them quickly? And then there is ALL of the other routines that I've set up for myself in our current house that don't have to do with IBS. Where will I set my stuff when I come home from work? Where will we pile up the mail? Where will the dogs leashes go? Will I get so stressed out about all of the changes and cause an IBS flare up?
This should be such an exciting time in my life and while it is in some respects, I just can't get this nagging feeling out of my brain that the first year or so is going to be super stressful while we try to make new routines for ourselves in our new space.
There is, of course, another side to the story. We're getting a new fridge that will have so much more room for fresh food, and we'll have plenty of room to cook now. This could mean more home-cooked meals tailored to my diet. The dogs will have a fenced backyard to get all of their energy out so they'll be less annoying inside with us.
I just can't wait for them to get started building the house so I can start to visualize where I'm going to put everything and how I'm going to do my daily routines in the new space. I keep saying that I wish we could just fast forward 6 months and have it be done so I can stop worrying about what may be, but I don't know if I'm ready. I need to break down all of my routines and see if I can make it work in the new house. I just hope my IBS is up for the challenge because it's going to be a stressful 6 months while I get it all figured out.
Have any of you ever dealt with a move or something where you had to switch up your normal routines? How did you deal with it?
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