As always, it has been quite a while since I blogged here last. I can't say I realized it was almost a whole year ago, but life gets in the way and blogging falls to the very bottom of the list. Life slowed down a bit in the fall, and I started thinking about a topic for a new post. Since I've been doing well, it's getting harder and harder for me to come up with topics that will be relevant to the people that end up here and read my posts. I know you guys are struggling to make sense of what your body is doing to your life. I don't want to write over and over again about how well I'm doing or how it's almost like I don't have IBS anymore. I can remember how hard that would've been for me to read during all those years where I was so sick.
But the truth is, my IBS was backing down. Around the time I started thinking about blogging again, I had been off the daily Imodium for almost 8 months with hardly any relapse in symptoms. My gut had started spasming again with certain foods, and I was having some loose stools, but I very rarely had any urgency. I had my scheduled poop every morning and it was always tolerable. I still don't know what changed that caused this stretch of amazingness for me. I had another stretch like this during high school when I got to live a completely carefree life- I got to eat whatever I wanted and not worry about where I was going to go to the bathroom if my stomach started acting up. I never made it to that point in this last year when I was feeling good, but it was still a similarly spontaneous remission.
This time was especially strange because I was going through an emotional time in my life. We had made some very big decisions and started to put some stressful plans in place. Usually when I'm stressed out, my gut gets very unhappy, but it was smooth sailing up until mid October. Then I started getting urgency again and almost every stool was very loose. Suddenly things I was able to eat the week before were major triggers for my IBS. Soon enough, my GI issues weren't the only symptoms and it hit me that this might be bigger than IBS.
Has anyone guessed it yet? Yep, I'm preggers.
I can't remember if I've talked about it much on here in the past, but holy cow was I adamantly opposed to having kids in the past. I went through a short period when I was 19 when I needed a child right then and there. I remember going home and telling my now husband we needed to get married that weekend so we could start having kids. Looking back, I cannot believe how extreme that need was, and I'm so happy we didn't act on it! Over the years between then and now, that definitely calmed down and we started to logic out having kids. We made a pros and cons list, I researched how it could affect IBS, and we had many, many discussions about it. We would check back in with each other about every 6 months about it and make sure each of us still didn't want kids, look over our pros and cons list, and plan to talk about it 6 months later. To us, it was always a decision that had to be thought through as carefully as buying a house or changing a career. It never seemed like the right plan for us. And I was absolutely terrified of pregnancy since there was a high probability of me throwing up at some point and it making my IBS worse.
Enter our pseudo-nephew. He just turned a year old a couple of months ago. When we found out our best friends were expecting, the first thing out of my mouth and in my husband's head was, "We have to start soon so they're close in age!" We looked at each other with crazy eyes like, "WTF? When did we both suddenly start wanting kids?" I thought it was another crazy hormonal rush and that it would pass. So we went back to what we knew- our pros and cons list and our long talks. We decided that this had to have come from somewhere, so I started reading blogs people had written about having kids instead of ones people wrote about deciding not to have kids. I also bought a book called All Joy And No Fun. After reading that book, I realized that all the cons on our list didn't mean much. If I looked at all of the annoying things our furbabies do day in and day out and didn't take into account how much joy they bring us, I would've never adopted them. We decided to start thinking about maybe having kids for a while and see how that felt. Well, it felt really good, pretty scary, and definitely like it was the right idea for us at the time.
Over the course of a year, we slowly came around to the idea and decided to take the plunge. Well, it worked lol. I found out I was pregnant in October, so I'm just over halfway through my pregnancy. When I found out I was pregnant, I just screamed, "What the fuck?!" over and over and over. I was terrified. It took me a couple of days to be excited about it because I couldn't stop worrying about how nauseous I might get and what if I puked and what was going to happen with my IBS??
I promise I meant to get to the part most of you guys care about a lot faster, but I feel like this is enough text for one blog post! I'll talk about how pregnancy has been for me so far in the next one. If I don't post soon, please hold me to it! Life has gotten pretty crazy around here, so I might need the reminder.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Thursday, March 9, 2017
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Wedding Series: In-Laws
We all know that people suck, in general, when it comes to accepting and respecting IBS as a real issue, and that is no different when it comes to in-laws. Some of you may be lucky enough to have family members that understand what you're going through, so this may be an even larger hurdle for you to jump than it was for me. My family, however, was not- is not- very understand or accepting of my IBS and has always given me trouble about it. Over 6000 of you have read my blog posts, but I bet you a million bucks that none of them have ever laid eyes on them.
But family is different. You can call them names, you can yell at them, and you can stick out your tongue at them before you walk away like a two year old. Chances are that a couple days down the road, one of you will need something and you'll forget it ever happened. Unfortunately, that's not the case with in-laws. You basically have to treat them like strangers, but the sucky part is that they're strangers who get to have an opinion about you. WORSE- they get to have an opinion about you and share that opinion with your fiance who shares their opinion with you. So then you know that they think you're a freak because you don't eat anything at the parties they throw. And that they think you're anorexic because they've never seen you eat. And that they think it's all in your head, and you just need to get over it.
You know what you get to do about it? Jack.shit. Because they're your in-laws. You have to keep the peace and remain tactful so you don't ruin your relationship with your significant other. Well, I guess that's not true. I have been able to do something about it. Here's my story:
I've been dating my fiance for over 9 years. I've had IBS since I was 7, but this current cycle of symptoms started about 2 years into our relationship, so he's had 7 years of dealing with this with me. Needless to say, he's learned a thing or two about what I go through day-to-day, so he gets it on the level that a person that it's not actually happening to can get it. His parents are Russian, and in Russian tradition, food and drink are VERY important and are basically the center of every good Russian party. And Russians (my Russians, at least) like to party. My family gets together mostly for major holidays and maybe birthdays if everyone can find a day off together. Russians celebrate EVERY holiday, EVERY birthday, and sometimes throw parties for what seems like just the heck of it. I've been to a LOT of parties over these 9 years.
Another thing about Russians is that it's considered rude to not accept food or drink when you're welcomed into their house. In the beginning, when I was having a symptom-free cycle, I was able to eat or drink anything. I was still my picky self, but I would still eat their food if I could figure out what it was. Once I got sick, I stopped eating anything anywhere except for the safest foods at home. At that time, I was completely afraid of all food because it would make me violently sick, and I was losing weight scarily fast. When I had to stop accepting food at their houses, I tried to explain what was happening, but it's very awkward talking about those kind of symptoms with people who haven't quite formed an opinion of you. I basically left the explanation at, "IBS makes me sensitive to foods that normal people can eat without a problem. When I eat those foods, I get very sick for days at a time."They didn't understand why an "upset stomach" was keeping me from eating the food they were offering me but just pretended to not care for many, many years.
Every now and then I would hear a story through my fiance about how they asked him, again, why I never ate anything. He said that he tried to explain it best he could, but they still thought it was just all in my head. I just needed to drink more vodka and it would cure me. You should have heard their reaction when I told them I couldn't drink alcohol. Yikes.
Anyway, fast forward to now, and I thought we had it all covered, but no. All of the extended family and family friends have finally stopped asking me at every party why I'm not eating; they've just accepted it as my way of life. But my fiance came home the other day after visiting his parents, and he said that he thought his step-mom finally understood it. They had an argument about whether or not it was all in my head, and he thinks he finally got through to her...7 years later. He explained that it's not just an upset stomach, and that it affects every facet of my life. How I have to consider what I'm going to eat if I'm going to be away from home for too long. How I have to plan out where I can use the restrooms in case an urge hits me. How I can't eat at work all day long so I don't have an episode and have to leave. How I have to avoid the food I've always loved because it kills my insides. How I'm in pain every single day. How I go to sleep every night with a heating pad on. How I have no social life because I'm tired of people being weirded out by me not eating.
And they finally understood the profound effect this continues to have on my life. Even though I currently consider myself to be in a fairly symptom-free cycle, I still struggle day-to-day. I'm not having diarrhea every single day, but the urgency and cramps are still there. I still have to avoid my trigger foods for the fear that my IBS will come raging back. So, they are right in some regard. IBS has changed the way I think. But any disease changes the way you think.
Alright, I got a little off topic. I think the best way to deal with in-laws is to make sure your fiance or husband/wife understands your disease as well as they can. They are the ones who will most likely be explaining what's going on with you to their curious family. Don't let their opinions get to you. Just like any stranger on the street, they don't understand IBS and they're going to think the worst of it. I've decided that IBS is treated basically like mental health diseases are. They aren't considered "real" by society yet. That's not your problem, that's theirs. If they never understand it, you just have to stop trying to get them to understand. It's too much stress to put that on yourself. And we all know you don't need more stress. Over time, your new family will grow to love you and your IBS will just become an odd quirk to them in the worst case, and life-altering condition in the best case.
Just remember- in the end, the only person you need to understand you completely is your significant other. Anyone else who wants to get it is just icing on the cake you can't eat.
But family is different. You can call them names, you can yell at them, and you can stick out your tongue at them before you walk away like a two year old. Chances are that a couple days down the road, one of you will need something and you'll forget it ever happened. Unfortunately, that's not the case with in-laws. You basically have to treat them like strangers, but the sucky part is that they're strangers who get to have an opinion about you. WORSE- they get to have an opinion about you and share that opinion with your fiance who shares their opinion with you. So then you know that they think you're a freak because you don't eat anything at the parties they throw. And that they think you're anorexic because they've never seen you eat. And that they think it's all in your head, and you just need to get over it.
You know what you get to do about it? Jack.shit. Because they're your in-laws. You have to keep the peace and remain tactful so you don't ruin your relationship with your significant other. Well, I guess that's not true. I have been able to do something about it. Here's my story:
I've been dating my fiance for over 9 years. I've had IBS since I was 7, but this current cycle of symptoms started about 2 years into our relationship, so he's had 7 years of dealing with this with me. Needless to say, he's learned a thing or two about what I go through day-to-day, so he gets it on the level that a person that it's not actually happening to can get it. His parents are Russian, and in Russian tradition, food and drink are VERY important and are basically the center of every good Russian party. And Russians (my Russians, at least) like to party. My family gets together mostly for major holidays and maybe birthdays if everyone can find a day off together. Russians celebrate EVERY holiday, EVERY birthday, and sometimes throw parties for what seems like just the heck of it. I've been to a LOT of parties over these 9 years.
Another thing about Russians is that it's considered rude to not accept food or drink when you're welcomed into their house. In the beginning, when I was having a symptom-free cycle, I was able to eat or drink anything. I was still my picky self, but I would still eat their food if I could figure out what it was. Once I got sick, I stopped eating anything anywhere except for the safest foods at home. At that time, I was completely afraid of all food because it would make me violently sick, and I was losing weight scarily fast. When I had to stop accepting food at their houses, I tried to explain what was happening, but it's very awkward talking about those kind of symptoms with people who haven't quite formed an opinion of you. I basically left the explanation at, "IBS makes me sensitive to foods that normal people can eat without a problem. When I eat those foods, I get very sick for days at a time."They didn't understand why an "upset stomach" was keeping me from eating the food they were offering me but just pretended to not care for many, many years.
Every now and then I would hear a story through my fiance about how they asked him, again, why I never ate anything. He said that he tried to explain it best he could, but they still thought it was just all in my head. I just needed to drink more vodka and it would cure me. You should have heard their reaction when I told them I couldn't drink alcohol. Yikes.
Anyway, fast forward to now, and I thought we had it all covered, but no. All of the extended family and family friends have finally stopped asking me at every party why I'm not eating; they've just accepted it as my way of life. But my fiance came home the other day after visiting his parents, and he said that he thought his step-mom finally understood it. They had an argument about whether or not it was all in my head, and he thinks he finally got through to her...7 years later. He explained that it's not just an upset stomach, and that it affects every facet of my life. How I have to consider what I'm going to eat if I'm going to be away from home for too long. How I have to plan out where I can use the restrooms in case an urge hits me. How I can't eat at work all day long so I don't have an episode and have to leave. How I have to avoid the food I've always loved because it kills my insides. How I'm in pain every single day. How I go to sleep every night with a heating pad on. How I have no social life because I'm tired of people being weirded out by me not eating.
And they finally understood the profound effect this continues to have on my life. Even though I currently consider myself to be in a fairly symptom-free cycle, I still struggle day-to-day. I'm not having diarrhea every single day, but the urgency and cramps are still there. I still have to avoid my trigger foods for the fear that my IBS will come raging back. So, they are right in some regard. IBS has changed the way I think. But any disease changes the way you think.
Alright, I got a little off topic. I think the best way to deal with in-laws is to make sure your fiance or husband/wife understands your disease as well as they can. They are the ones who will most likely be explaining what's going on with you to their curious family. Don't let their opinions get to you. Just like any stranger on the street, they don't understand IBS and they're going to think the worst of it. I've decided that IBS is treated basically like mental health diseases are. They aren't considered "real" by society yet. That's not your problem, that's theirs. If they never understand it, you just have to stop trying to get them to understand. It's too much stress to put that on yourself. And we all know you don't need more stress. Over time, your new family will grow to love you and your IBS will just become an odd quirk to them in the worst case, and life-altering condition in the best case.
Just remember- in the end, the only person you need to understand you completely is your significant other. Anyone else who wants to get it is just icing on the cake you can't eat.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Thanksgiving- IBS style
This year I decided I was going to try a little bit of everything- except the sweet potatoes, blech. I put a little bit of everything on my plate, a lot of mashed potatoes & gravy, and started eating.
I've had a few rough days. It's the time of the month right now and, like always, it's messing with my IBS, so I knew I had to take it a little slow. I'm not sure if I was just really nervous about eating normal food that I don't usually have or what, but about 5 bites in I started feeling pretty bad. Burning in my lower intestines, urgency, bloating & a little nausea. Luckily A was there to keep me calm, and I was able to just sit there for about half an hour while everyone else finished eating. After that, my stomach just continued to be really uneasy for the rest of the day.
I ended up having to skip the last of 4 houses we were supposed to visit...my aunt Lisa's where my dad's family was having Thanksgiving. This absolutely sucked because my uncle's family was in town- I hardly ever get to see them & hadn't seen them since my grandma's funeral earlier this year.
Needless to say, I spent the evening on the couch with my heating pad going. This morning I woke up better, but my stomach has still been pretty iffy all day long.
Somehow, even with only eating what little I did, I still gained a pound! Now if only I could keep it on :)
I've had a few rough days. It's the time of the month right now and, like always, it's messing with my IBS, so I knew I had to take it a little slow. I'm not sure if I was just really nervous about eating normal food that I don't usually have or what, but about 5 bites in I started feeling pretty bad. Burning in my lower intestines, urgency, bloating & a little nausea. Luckily A was there to keep me calm, and I was able to just sit there for about half an hour while everyone else finished eating. After that, my stomach just continued to be really uneasy for the rest of the day.
I ended up having to skip the last of 4 houses we were supposed to visit...my aunt Lisa's where my dad's family was having Thanksgiving. This absolutely sucked because my uncle's family was in town- I hardly ever get to see them & hadn't seen them since my grandma's funeral earlier this year.
Needless to say, I spent the evening on the couch with my heating pad going. This morning I woke up better, but my stomach has still been pretty iffy all day long.
Somehow, even with only eating what little I did, I still gained a pound! Now if only I could keep it on :)
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