I need a better way to keep track of time. Without tests and projects due, rotations are throwing me off. Since pretty much all I have to do is show up to my rotation site, there isn't too much to base the movement of time off of. I can't believe it's been almost a month since my last post.
I wanted to post tonight about what I've been eating lately because I've recently realized how horrible my diet is. So here it is:
-Bagels with peanut butter
-Cereal
-Healthy Choice Garlic Herb Shrimp frozen lunch
-Smart Ones Fettuccine Alfredo (I'm cutting this out as it's done more bad than good lately)
Did you get that? That's it. There are some random, snack-like foods I eat like Ritz Crackers with peanut butter or Wheat Thins, but that's about all I can handle lately. How sad is that? I usually end up having a bagel & peanut butter for breakfast and dinner every day and my Garlic Herb Shrimp for lunch. Every.single.day. EVERY F*CKING DAY.
I don't express my anger very often on here, but it is SO exasperating to have such a limited diet. I'm sure I could expand it somewhat, but A) I'm anything but a cook, so I don't know what else to try and B) I'm so afraid of something going horribly wrong after trying something new. If I had more time off to experiment, I would, but even though I have Friday and Saturday to try out new things, I've been sick or feeling sick every weekend.
I know for a fact I'm not getting enough calories or nutrients which is depressing. I got so close to my goal weight of 140 (I'm 5'10.5") but then started going back downhill again after I started having more episodes. Now I'm hanging out around 130. I don't like looking or feeling this thin. While people always ask me what I'm doing and then ignorantly say, "Well I wish I could have IBS so I could be that thin," I would give anything just to be able to gain some weight without making myself feel like hell.
I'm loving the Imodium because I don't have diarrhea anymore except around my period and when I forget to take it, but the other IBS symptoms are killing me. The gas pains/explosions are unbearable most of the time, and I still just get that sick feeling after eating something bad. Even though it doesn't end with diarrhea anymore, I still get the feeling that it's going to happen.
I need to take the time to sit down and find more meal options to add to my diet, but with Career Day for my pharmacy school coming up in a couple weeks, I'm too busy freaking out about the SIX interviews I have that day to make time for it or to have time to deal with the consequences of trying something that doesn't work out.
I'm just so tired of having such a boring diet. Does anyone have any tried and true meal choices that don't cause a ton of gas or diarrhea?
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
Friday, January 6, 2012
Friday, December 17, 2010
Rough stretch
The past couple of weeks (or is it months? Time has been flying by lately) have not been easy. While there have been some great days, most of them just seem to be rotten.
I feel like I'm getting back to the old days where simple food that I've previously had no problems with rip me apart. I'm back down to 125. Actually, when I weighed myself last night I was 124.6. :( I'll just pretend I never saw that because it depresses me. I swear it seems like yesterday when I had decided I was going to start cooking for myself instead of sticking to my staple foods. Now, not only can I not handle the meals I was cooking, I can hardly even handle my staple foods.
I've been eating mostly cereal the past couple of weeks with a few other meals thrown in there when I feel like I can handle it. A huge part of the cause seems to be stress. Other than random changes in my body's chemistry, that's all I can think of that could have changed. I just finished my last final today, so hopefully that helps.
I'm still going to my therapist and beginning CBT; I can't wait to see if that can really help me. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it does! I just can't deal with this downward progression in health and weight...there's only so much I can lose before I start feeling like a zombie all the time again.
I feel like I'm getting back to the old days where simple food that I've previously had no problems with rip me apart. I'm back down to 125. Actually, when I weighed myself last night I was 124.6. :( I'll just pretend I never saw that because it depresses me. I swear it seems like yesterday when I had decided I was going to start cooking for myself instead of sticking to my staple foods. Now, not only can I not handle the meals I was cooking, I can hardly even handle my staple foods.
I've been eating mostly cereal the past couple of weeks with a few other meals thrown in there when I feel like I can handle it. A huge part of the cause seems to be stress. Other than random changes in my body's chemistry, that's all I can think of that could have changed. I just finished my last final today, so hopefully that helps.
I'm still going to my therapist and beginning CBT; I can't wait to see if that can really help me. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it does! I just can't deal with this downward progression in health and weight...there's only so much I can lose before I start feeling like a zombie all the time again.
Monday, August 30, 2010
School + stress = NO worsening of symptoms?!
Obviously school has started up again, but this semester has surprised me as far as my IBS symptoms go. Usually as I start to get stressed, my worst symptoms get even worse and make me absolutely miserable.
While I have had a bit of a problem getting out of the house for my early classes, this is nothing new for me. I've never been a morning person, and school just makes this obvious. Luckily, I hardly ever had to get up early during the summer, so I just didn't have to deal with my symptoms. But I've made it to every class and so far haven't spent any "sick" days/nights in bed.
This next part may sound a bit crazy to some of you. I honestly think the reason I'm feeling better is because I said to hell with it! To hell with restricting myself to where I'm basically only eating cereal, to hell with worrying about the consequences of eating, etc. Don't get me wrong- I did NOT go crazy and consume large amounts of pizza, hamburgers, or fried chicken. I'm still making conscious decisions about food, but I'm no longer worrying myself crazy about the specifics of everything. I really think this has decreased my stress and that's what has held off my usual back-to-school symptom spike.
You know how that mosquito bite can drive you bat shit crazy while you're studying? But when a friend calls with some juicy gossip and you lose yourself in conversation- what happens? You completely forget about the incessant itch. That's my reasoning here. I'm forcing my problems to the back of my mind. As I said before, this does not mean I think I've wished away my IBS or anything like that. I still have loose stools when I eat certain foods. My intestines still feel like they'll never relax. But I've forced myself to accept this as my new "normal."
As we all know, stress is a huge factor when it comes to our disease. What sense does it make to stress over IBS symptoms? I decided that answer is none at all, and it's paying off! Let's hope this trend continues at least until midterms. :)
While I have had a bit of a problem getting out of the house for my early classes, this is nothing new for me. I've never been a morning person, and school just makes this obvious. Luckily, I hardly ever had to get up early during the summer, so I just didn't have to deal with my symptoms. But I've made it to every class and so far haven't spent any "sick" days/nights in bed.
This next part may sound a bit crazy to some of you. I honestly think the reason I'm feeling better is because I said to hell with it! To hell with restricting myself to where I'm basically only eating cereal, to hell with worrying about the consequences of eating, etc. Don't get me wrong- I did NOT go crazy and consume large amounts of pizza, hamburgers, or fried chicken. I'm still making conscious decisions about food, but I'm no longer worrying myself crazy about the specifics of everything. I really think this has decreased my stress and that's what has held off my usual back-to-school symptom spike.
You know how that mosquito bite can drive you bat shit crazy while you're studying? But when a friend calls with some juicy gossip and you lose yourself in conversation- what happens? You completely forget about the incessant itch. That's my reasoning here. I'm forcing my problems to the back of my mind. As I said before, this does not mean I think I've wished away my IBS or anything like that. I still have loose stools when I eat certain foods. My intestines still feel like they'll never relax. But I've forced myself to accept this as my new "normal."
As we all know, stress is a huge factor when it comes to our disease. What sense does it make to stress over IBS symptoms? I decided that answer is none at all, and it's paying off! Let's hope this trend continues at least until midterms. :)
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Finals are over!
And thank god! I'm honestly not sure I could have taken another day. I'm so mentally exhausted it's not even funny. Surprisingly though, the end of the year was actually better than the beginning for once. Usually, I start off the year completely stress free and just sail through the months. Then, finals get here and I FREAK OUT! I can't believe how stupid I was to sail through and slack off so I now have to study super hard to get the grades I want in class.
Well, this semester was different. After losing my grandma, I failed a test and freaked out all semester about it. I literally thought my life was over. But then I was sitting down about two weeks before finals figuring out what I needed to get on the final to pass the class (a C is passing in this class- anything lower is a big fat F...and I'd be set back a whole year). Anyway, I put all my grades into a spreadsheet (this class is very confusing points-wise) and I sat there stunned. There was NO way I only needed a 69/120 to pass the class! So I re-checked everything and sure enough, it was right!
Even though I didn't need to freak out about any of the 5 finals I had, I still stressed a little bit. I mean FIVE big tests in one week is insane. My brain is complete mush right now. My body held up pretty well though. I was stupid and pushed a little too hard a couple of days and paid for it, but it was no where near as bad as when I was stressing out hardcore all semester.
I'm hoping that now that class is over, I can focus on getting myself back into shape- gaining some weight and muscle. I also really need to work on my cardio. Is that how you say it? I never know. All I know is I can only run like a yard before I can't breathe and that's no bueno.
Now I have all the time I need (until my rotation in June) to make all the doctor appointments I want and get a few steps closer to HEALTH. I'm hoping I can accomplish at least that by the time I start school again- just to be a little more healthy than I am now.
Well, this semester was different. After losing my grandma, I failed a test and freaked out all semester about it. I literally thought my life was over. But then I was sitting down about two weeks before finals figuring out what I needed to get on the final to pass the class (a C is passing in this class- anything lower is a big fat F...and I'd be set back a whole year). Anyway, I put all my grades into a spreadsheet (this class is very confusing points-wise) and I sat there stunned. There was NO way I only needed a 69/120 to pass the class! So I re-checked everything and sure enough, it was right!
Even though I didn't need to freak out about any of the 5 finals I had, I still stressed a little bit. I mean FIVE big tests in one week is insane. My brain is complete mush right now. My body held up pretty well though. I was stupid and pushed a little too hard a couple of days and paid for it, but it was no where near as bad as when I was stressing out hardcore all semester.
I'm hoping that now that class is over, I can focus on getting myself back into shape- gaining some weight and muscle. I also really need to work on my cardio. Is that how you say it? I never know. All I know is I can only run like a yard before I can't breathe and that's no bueno.
Now I have all the time I need (until my rotation in June) to make all the doctor appointments I want and get a few steps closer to HEALTH. I'm hoping I can accomplish at least that by the time I start school again- just to be a little more healthy than I am now.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
It's Official
It's official- I'm down to 120 pounds. This is the 3rd sob attack this week thanks to the scale. That means I've lost 15 pounds in about 2 weeks....2 MISERABLE weeks.
Just to make sure we're all on the same page- I do NOT want to lose weight. In fact, I've been working very hard for the past 2 YEARS to gain back 10 pounds I lost when I first got sick and get my weight back up to at least 135. Now, 2 weeks of a flare up have ruined 2 years of work.
I don't even know what to do. The episode I'm having now has brought a new symptom- nausea. That's not something I know how to deal with. With diarrhea, I'd take Loperamide, wait a few hours & be ok to start eating blandly again. But with the nausea, I don't ever feel like eating. All I've had for the past few days is a couple of bagels, rice and some cereal. How the hell am I supposed to get my weight back up if I can't eat anything? Even drinking water makes me feel even more lousy.
While we're on the topic- if you're going to take anything for nausea, make sure you have some down time! I took Dramamine last night and it knocked me out. I've never been drowsy like that before, and while I was happy it kept the nausea at bay, I was worthless! I had to get up at one point to go to the bathroom, and I stumbled the whole way there, could hardly see anything, and really don't remember most of it. Quite an experience. But it did work, and I'm thankful for that. The only bad thing is now that I'm awake, it's starting to come back. I have a week's worth of studying to get done today and there's no way I can be knocked out like that again.
I'm almost hoping that this is just some version of the flu and that it will all be over soon. This is the third day I've been nauseous, so I'm hoping it will be coming to an end soon. As soon as it does, I'm going nuts with junk food (tolerable junk food that won't cause another episode, of course...sigh) and putting that weight back on ASAP. I know there are so many people out there that would probably be super jealous of me losing 15 pounds in two weeks, but this is scaring the shit out of me. I just hope that it stops here and doesn't go lower. If I get into the teens (hundred-teens), I don't know what I'd do. I haven't been that skinny (read emaciated looking) since middle school. And I was shorter in middle school so it didn't look funny/sickly.
Wish me luck :/
Just to make sure we're all on the same page- I do NOT want to lose weight. In fact, I've been working very hard for the past 2 YEARS to gain back 10 pounds I lost when I first got sick and get my weight back up to at least 135. Now, 2 weeks of a flare up have ruined 2 years of work.
I don't even know what to do. The episode I'm having now has brought a new symptom- nausea. That's not something I know how to deal with. With diarrhea, I'd take Loperamide, wait a few hours & be ok to start eating blandly again. But with the nausea, I don't ever feel like eating. All I've had for the past few days is a couple of bagels, rice and some cereal. How the hell am I supposed to get my weight back up if I can't eat anything? Even drinking water makes me feel even more lousy.
While we're on the topic- if you're going to take anything for nausea, make sure you have some down time! I took Dramamine last night and it knocked me out. I've never been drowsy like that before, and while I was happy it kept the nausea at bay, I was worthless! I had to get up at one point to go to the bathroom, and I stumbled the whole way there, could hardly see anything, and really don't remember most of it. Quite an experience. But it did work, and I'm thankful for that. The only bad thing is now that I'm awake, it's starting to come back. I have a week's worth of studying to get done today and there's no way I can be knocked out like that again.
I'm almost hoping that this is just some version of the flu and that it will all be over soon. This is the third day I've been nauseous, so I'm hoping it will be coming to an end soon. As soon as it does, I'm going nuts with junk food (tolerable junk food that won't cause another episode, of course...sigh) and putting that weight back on ASAP. I know there are so many people out there that would probably be super jealous of me losing 15 pounds in two weeks, but this is scaring the shit out of me. I just hope that it stops here and doesn't go lower. If I get into the teens (hundred-teens), I don't know what I'd do. I haven't been that skinny (read emaciated looking) since middle school. And I was shorter in middle school so it didn't look funny/sickly.
Wish me luck :/
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