Not much different today, but I thought I'd update. I woke up this morning with a really sore back end. It feels exactly like if I had fallen on my ass and hit my tailbone; it just feels bruised. Now that it's further into the day, I can hardly feel it though.
As far as symptoms go, I'm not too sure what's different. Over the past 3 days, my main problem has been gas. It was causing me a ton of pain and just an overall really uncomfortable feeling. Other than that, my other issues were holding off, so I don't know if I'm better because of the adjustment or that I'm still just feeling well as I have been for the past few days.
I haven't been as bloated today, didn't have any urgency, and didn't even need to use the restroom this morning...that's definitely new for me because I go each and EVERY morning. If it's like this for the rest of the week, well....let's just say I will probably cry from being so happy.
Showing posts with label feeling GOOD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label feeling GOOD. Show all posts
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Gaining weight & ending the fear
Obligatory "I'm such a bad blogger" paragraph! School has been keeping me ridiculously busy, I've taken on almost double the hours I've been working, and well, I guess I just didn't really know what else to say on here.
You know how when you go out somewhere & get really bad service? What do you want to do when you get home? Give the restaurant a really bad rating & a critical review, of course! No? Well, maybe that's just me. What I'm saying is that when things are good, there's not much to say. But when they're bad, there just isn't even enough room to get everything out! Since I've been feeling better, I just didn't really know what to post about on this blog.
On my other blog, I've been participating in Nablopomo which has taught me to pull topics out of my ass when I have absolutely nothing to talk about. Who benefits here, you guys, of course! ;)
Ok, to the actual post. If you're like me you have a bad relationship with food. You might even fear it like I do. I just cross posted a post (see below this one) I wrote for my other blog about worry. As I eat, I'm constantly worrying about what's going to happen once the food starts getting digested. Will my body be able to handle it? Am I going to have to rush to find a bathroom soon? The thoughts are endless. Wait, check that- they WERE endless. But, honestly, after reading only half of this book, I worry so much less about how the food's going to affect me & I eat...you know, like a normal person. The thoughts are still in the back of my mind, but I don't let them control how I eat.
This fear of food has had some pretty bad effects on my health. Since this bout with IBS started, I've lost 15-20 pounds that I haven't been able to put back on. At the end of last semester, I was feeling so weak & kind of losing hope of ever feeling normal again. That's when I decided to go see a nutritionist. Obviously, after fearing food for almost 4 years, I'd forgotten how to eat like a normal person. As hard as I was trying to put the weight I had lost back on, I just couldn't do it. I mean- what is there to eat other than cereal, rice & pasta? I sure as hell couldn't remember.
Seeing the nutritionist might have been my best decision in the past 4 years. She gave me two measly pieces of paper that have changed my life. I'm now only 5 pounds away from where I want to be & I feel great! She gave me a simple list of foods (you can find it here- it's a link to a PDF file that you can download) grouped by type that are calorie dense. I found that I'd been eating the same types of food, but I'd been choosing the ones with hardly any calories. I started picking foods that I knew weren't trigger foods from this list & tracking my progress on Calorie Counter.
Even if you're not trying to gain weight, there are some great options on here to remind you about healthy foods to try out. Try to eat as big of a variety from this list as you can to help train yourself to eat normally again & develop a healthy relationship with food. I've been really working hard at trying to put an end to my fear of food & gaining weight since May, and it's been tough. After eating like I did for so long, it took a while to get to the point where I could open the pantry & pull out something I'd never tried before instead of just reaching for the cereal.
You might be at the point I was just a year or two ago. You might feel like there's absolutely no hope. That you're going to be stuck at home, next to your bathroom, just in case. Or that you're going to die eating only cereal & rice. One good thing about IBS is that it usually cycles. As bad as it might be now, it will probably get better. Oh great, now I sound like those movies- "It gets better," but it really does. Maybe in a few years I'll feel like absolute shit again & basically be chained to my bed, but I'm not going down without a fight again.
I really hope you guys can take something away from that food list like I did. And seriously, if you feel any type of stress when you eat, buy that book & do the exercises inside. If you don't have the money right now, at least just start a worry journal. Simply writing down every single thing I worried about (you can bet my hand cramped up quite often) made me realize how pointless it all is- completely unproductive worry- & that it's only making things worse.
You know how when you go out somewhere & get really bad service? What do you want to do when you get home? Give the restaurant a really bad rating & a critical review, of course! No? Well, maybe that's just me. What I'm saying is that when things are good, there's not much to say. But when they're bad, there just isn't even enough room to get everything out! Since I've been feeling better, I just didn't really know what to post about on this blog.
On my other blog, I've been participating in Nablopomo which has taught me to pull topics out of my ass when I have absolutely nothing to talk about. Who benefits here, you guys, of course! ;)
Ok, to the actual post. If you're like me you have a bad relationship with food. You might even fear it like I do. I just cross posted a post (see below this one) I wrote for my other blog about worry. As I eat, I'm constantly worrying about what's going to happen once the food starts getting digested. Will my body be able to handle it? Am I going to have to rush to find a bathroom soon? The thoughts are endless. Wait, check that- they WERE endless. But, honestly, after reading only half of this book, I worry so much less about how the food's going to affect me & I eat...you know, like a normal person. The thoughts are still in the back of my mind, but I don't let them control how I eat.
This fear of food has had some pretty bad effects on my health. Since this bout with IBS started, I've lost 15-20 pounds that I haven't been able to put back on. At the end of last semester, I was feeling so weak & kind of losing hope of ever feeling normal again. That's when I decided to go see a nutritionist. Obviously, after fearing food for almost 4 years, I'd forgotten how to eat like a normal person. As hard as I was trying to put the weight I had lost back on, I just couldn't do it. I mean- what is there to eat other than cereal, rice & pasta? I sure as hell couldn't remember.
Seeing the nutritionist might have been my best decision in the past 4 years. She gave me two measly pieces of paper that have changed my life. I'm now only 5 pounds away from where I want to be & I feel great! She gave me a simple list of foods (you can find it here- it's a link to a PDF file that you can download) grouped by type that are calorie dense. I found that I'd been eating the same types of food, but I'd been choosing the ones with hardly any calories. I started picking foods that I knew weren't trigger foods from this list & tracking my progress on Calorie Counter.
Even if you're not trying to gain weight, there are some great options on here to remind you about healthy foods to try out. Try to eat as big of a variety from this list as you can to help train yourself to eat normally again & develop a healthy relationship with food. I've been really working hard at trying to put an end to my fear of food & gaining weight since May, and it's been tough. After eating like I did for so long, it took a while to get to the point where I could open the pantry & pull out something I'd never tried before instead of just reaching for the cereal.
You might be at the point I was just a year or two ago. You might feel like there's absolutely no hope. That you're going to be stuck at home, next to your bathroom, just in case. Or that you're going to die eating only cereal & rice. One good thing about IBS is that it usually cycles. As bad as it might be now, it will probably get better. Oh great, now I sound like those movies- "It gets better," but it really does. Maybe in a few years I'll feel like absolute shit again & basically be chained to my bed, but I'm not going down without a fight again.
I really hope you guys can take something away from that food list like I did. And seriously, if you feel any type of stress when you eat, buy that book & do the exercises inside. If you don't have the money right now, at least just start a worry journal. Simply writing down every single thing I worried about (you can bet my hand cramped up quite often) made me realize how pointless it all is- completely unproductive worry- & that it's only making things worse.
Monday, August 30, 2010
School + stress = NO worsening of symptoms?!
Obviously school has started up again, but this semester has surprised me as far as my IBS symptoms go. Usually as I start to get stressed, my worst symptoms get even worse and make me absolutely miserable.
While I have had a bit of a problem getting out of the house for my early classes, this is nothing new for me. I've never been a morning person, and school just makes this obvious. Luckily, I hardly ever had to get up early during the summer, so I just didn't have to deal with my symptoms. But I've made it to every class and so far haven't spent any "sick" days/nights in bed.
This next part may sound a bit crazy to some of you. I honestly think the reason I'm feeling better is because I said to hell with it! To hell with restricting myself to where I'm basically only eating cereal, to hell with worrying about the consequences of eating, etc. Don't get me wrong- I did NOT go crazy and consume large amounts of pizza, hamburgers, or fried chicken. I'm still making conscious decisions about food, but I'm no longer worrying myself crazy about the specifics of everything. I really think this has decreased my stress and that's what has held off my usual back-to-school symptom spike.
You know how that mosquito bite can drive you bat shit crazy while you're studying? But when a friend calls with some juicy gossip and you lose yourself in conversation- what happens? You completely forget about the incessant itch. That's my reasoning here. I'm forcing my problems to the back of my mind. As I said before, this does not mean I think I've wished away my IBS or anything like that. I still have loose stools when I eat certain foods. My intestines still feel like they'll never relax. But I've forced myself to accept this as my new "normal."
As we all know, stress is a huge factor when it comes to our disease. What sense does it make to stress over IBS symptoms? I decided that answer is none at all, and it's paying off! Let's hope this trend continues at least until midterms. :)
While I have had a bit of a problem getting out of the house for my early classes, this is nothing new for me. I've never been a morning person, and school just makes this obvious. Luckily, I hardly ever had to get up early during the summer, so I just didn't have to deal with my symptoms. But I've made it to every class and so far haven't spent any "sick" days/nights in bed.
This next part may sound a bit crazy to some of you. I honestly think the reason I'm feeling better is because I said to hell with it! To hell with restricting myself to where I'm basically only eating cereal, to hell with worrying about the consequences of eating, etc. Don't get me wrong- I did NOT go crazy and consume large amounts of pizza, hamburgers, or fried chicken. I'm still making conscious decisions about food, but I'm no longer worrying myself crazy about the specifics of everything. I really think this has decreased my stress and that's what has held off my usual back-to-school symptom spike.
You know how that mosquito bite can drive you bat shit crazy while you're studying? But when a friend calls with some juicy gossip and you lose yourself in conversation- what happens? You completely forget about the incessant itch. That's my reasoning here. I'm forcing my problems to the back of my mind. As I said before, this does not mean I think I've wished away my IBS or anything like that. I still have loose stools when I eat certain foods. My intestines still feel like they'll never relax. But I've forced myself to accept this as my new "normal."
As we all know, stress is a huge factor when it comes to our disease. What sense does it make to stress over IBS symptoms? I decided that answer is none at all, and it's paying off! Let's hope this trend continues at least until midterms. :)
Friday, March 26, 2010
Update...and a taste of my future
Carrots are a no go. They didn't quite make me sick like my trigger foods would, but still...a no go. I'll leave it at that.
Today in class, I had a moment. I guess I should start from the beginning...I got to class and sat down. I was talking to my friend then she says, "Where were you? I tried calling you." I knew she wasn't talking to me, so I looked up. Her friend had just gotten to class and had apparently been at our Health Center. She had been studying earlier and felt sick, so she went to get something for it. While she was there, apparently she threw up. So now I have a person standing right in front of my desk that just threw up.
What do you think I did? My insides were screaming, "RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!" but I had to sit there. I had absolutely no good reason to leave, as our test was about to start. So I just sat there. I can't tell you how nervous it made me (and still makes me right now). But anyway, getting to my moment...a little bit later I was sitting with my group working on an assignment for our next class. I was paying attention to how I felt since I was worrying about getting whatever made this girl throw up, and I realized...wait for it...I felt GOOD. For the first time in who knows how long, I could talk with other people without getting a dull pain in my stomach. I didn't feel worn out or the least bit nauseous. I didn't have any gas or even any gurgling in my stomach. There was no headache or even the inkling of one. I was hungry. And I wasn't even having any cramps.
In that moment, I almost closed my eyes just to take advantage of it. To try to freeze it in time. If I could have sat there in that seat, feeling like that, for the rest of my life I might have just done that. Obviously, it didn't last for very long and I'm feeling a little cruddy after dinner. But still...I'm so grateful for that hour or two that I got today. It allowed me to flash back to how my life was before I had to start dealing with all of this nonsense. It also made me a bit sad because of how good that felt compared to how I feel day to day, but I'm not going to focus on that. I'm going to focus on getting back to having that feeling all day every day. I WILL GET BACK THERE. I just have to. It felt too good :)
Today in class, I had a moment. I guess I should start from the beginning...I got to class and sat down. I was talking to my friend then she says, "Where were you? I tried calling you." I knew she wasn't talking to me, so I looked up. Her friend had just gotten to class and had apparently been at our Health Center. She had been studying earlier and felt sick, so she went to get something for it. While she was there, apparently she threw up. So now I have a person standing right in front of my desk that just threw up.
What do you think I did? My insides were screaming, "RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!" but I had to sit there. I had absolutely no good reason to leave, as our test was about to start. So I just sat there. I can't tell you how nervous it made me (and still makes me right now). But anyway, getting to my moment...a little bit later I was sitting with my group working on an assignment for our next class. I was paying attention to how I felt since I was worrying about getting whatever made this girl throw up, and I realized...wait for it...I felt GOOD. For the first time in who knows how long, I could talk with other people without getting a dull pain in my stomach. I didn't feel worn out or the least bit nauseous. I didn't have any gas or even any gurgling in my stomach. There was no headache or even the inkling of one. I was hungry. And I wasn't even having any cramps.
In that moment, I almost closed my eyes just to take advantage of it. To try to freeze it in time. If I could have sat there in that seat, feeling like that, for the rest of my life I might have just done that. Obviously, it didn't last for very long and I'm feeling a little cruddy after dinner. But still...I'm so grateful for that hour or two that I got today. It allowed me to flash back to how my life was before I had to start dealing with all of this nonsense. It also made me a bit sad because of how good that felt compared to how I feel day to day, but I'm not going to focus on that. I'm going to focus on getting back to having that feeling all day every day. I WILL GET BACK THERE. I just have to. It felt too good :)
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