What I'm doing right now

A couple people have commented or emailed asking what I'm doing right now, so I thought I'd just go ahead and post about it.

Recently, I've been transitioning from being what they call a "floater" pharmacist to being in one store- my store, the one I've worked at as an intern for 5 years. I'm working under my mentor, and my hours are also getting shifted around, so it's causing some stress. Because of that, I've increased my daily dose of Imodium to a whole tablet at bedtime. Unfortunately, I've gotten pretty stopped up, so I quickly dropped back down to a half tablet at bedtime.

As a pharmacist, my life doesn't allow me to follow any type of diet. A lot of you have mentioned the FODMAP diet, but, honestly, I don't have time to figure that out right now. Along with still trying to get used to my schedule, we're also building a house right now which takes up a ton of my free time. When I work, I work from 8am to 10pm, and it's rare that I get to eat, let alone pee or sit or grab a sip of water. So any type of diet I would try would get screwed up every other day.

On my days off, I'm too exhausted from the day before and thinking about the next day of work to do anything other than pop a freezer meal in the microwave. My diet is pitiful. On my off days, I've been eating a bagel with peanut butter (for protein, so my blood sugar doesn't drop low) for breakfast, a snack for lunch, and a frozen Lean Cuisine meal for dinner. I of course have my safe Lean Cuisine meals- not all of them work for me, so I stick to 2-3 of them and repeat them day after day. On days that I work, I have the same breakfast and try to sneak in a protein bar and Rice Krispie bar (for a quick bit of sugar so I don't pass out) around 7pm when I start to feel faint, but I'm lucky if I get time for that.

This is killing me because I had gotten SO close to 140 pounds, which has been my goal since I got super sick after food poisoning 7 years ago. Now that I'm not able to eat hardly anything every other day, I'm dropping back down. Also, although I always thought that avoiding food would make me feel better when I was sick, I'm feeling worse and worse. I need to find some safe foods that I can take with me to work. Trying to eat while I know I'm going to be stuck at work for 10+ more hours is pretty terrifying.

So the answer to the question about what I'm doing right now, in a nutshell, is failing. It's mostly working- I haven't had a loose stool in a while, but that's mostly due to not eating very much and taking a higher dose of Imodium than I require. I've been bloated almost constantly, though, and it gets pretty painful somewhat often. And, of course, I'm just feeling weak and too skinny again. I've got to figure something out.

Do you guys have any ideas for safe, quick work foods- ones that I don't have to eat with my hands? (Remember, I'm a germaphobe who works in a pharmacy full of sick patients.) I'd love your input.

Spending my life in the bathroom

URGENCY, wake up out of a dead sleep, run to the bathroom, sit on the toilet for half an hour while nothing happens. Legs go numb, stand up, wash hands, URGENCY, sit back down, repeat.

Go down to eat breakfast, put bagel in toaster, URGENCY, try to hold it off til after breakfast, eat breakfast, go upstairs, sit on toilet for half an hour, poop one pebble, horrible cramps while everything readjusts.

Get finished getting ready to go to work, URGENCY, sit down on toilet, nothing-you're late for work now.

Get home from work, have a fairly quiet evening, get tired enough to go peacefully to bed, URGENCY, sit on toilet until you're sure you'll never walk again in hopes that you won't repeat this morning, nothing.

Go to sleep, URGENCY, wake up, repeat...over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...until you give up.