It really got me thinking, What do I like about having IBS? I laid in bed that night trying so hard to come up with something positive about having this disease. And when I say hard, I mean HARD! I must have thought about it for a good 2 hours straight. You know what I came up with? Jack shit.
However, I did come up with a boat load of things I hated about having IBS. I thought about everything it had stolen from me in the past few years. Now, this was really bad timing. My boyfriend and I had just had a long discussion earlier that day about things we missed about the way our relationship used to be...you know, before my IBS rared its ugly head again.
So what did I come up with, you ask? Well....
- I'm no longer able to be "intimate" with my boyfriend like we were before. I mean most days I don't even feel well enough to kiss him!
- We used to go on little dates weekly to our favorite restaurants around town. I miss those so much because we also miss out on a lot of the conversation we used to have.
- Movies are a no go because no matter what (even if I've eaten well) I start to feel sick about halfway through the movie. I think a huge part of that is in my head- I'm nervous about not being able to leave, so I cause symptoms. Either way, movies are out of the picture now.
- Standing up sucks because I can't eat well enough to maintain my nutrition. Now every time I stand up, I have to stand still for 30 seconds or more so I don't fall over.
- Cereal, spaghettios, bagels, cereal, spaghettios, bagels, cereal, spaghettios, bagels. UGHHHHH. Enough said?
- I can't gain any weight. This is not only annoying but also pretty scary. When I have episodes, I tend to lose 5-10 pounds from losing so much water. My weight drops down to scary levels too often. Not to mention, I don't like having shrimpy arms and bony hips.
- Constant gassiness. Annoying for obvious reasons- but it also hurts like hell and is extremely uncomfortable. Also, see my first bullet point...
- It has taken away my social life almost completely. Trying to explain IBS to new people is difficult and embarrassing. Most people don't get it and they end up saying, "Well just have a salad!" Ugh. So now I just avoid social situations so I don't have to explain and feel out of place.
- Also, has anyone else noticed how social gatherings ALWAYS involve food and/or alcoholic drinks? IBS nightmare!
- I used to be the one everyone depended on. I'd cover shifts, always show up, always show up on time, and never have to call in to work. Now I need my shifts covered, have to cancel on plans all the time, show up to things late because of unexpected stomach problems, and call in to work so often. I hate that. It makes me feel pretty damn worthless and like I'm letting people down.
- I spend quite a bit of time hating my life. I guess you could call it depression, but it really only has to do with IBS. My life - IBS = LOVE IT. My life + IBS = HATE IT
- I used to have bad periods. Haha, I had NO clue.
- Oh, I forgot to mention my horrible symptoms.
- It has made me more lazy and way less productive. I spend more time laying in bed with a heating pad than anything else nowadays.
- I used to get up early on Tuesdays or Fridays and volunteer serving breakfast to homeless people. However, if I try to wake up before 8am my body hates me and I have symptoms for no good reason. No more volunteering :(
- I used to enjoy food, now I fear it.
- Altering other people's lives. This might be the most depressing thing of all. My boyfriend doesn't enjoy life as much anymore because all we do is sit around. Although he has all of our friends that he could hang out with, he's caring enough that he wants to hang at home with me and make sure I'm ok instead of going out with them. Even though he has decided this for himself, I still feel bad about putting him in that position in the first place.
I'm sure I could go on and on and on, but I won't bore you. And I'm pretty positive you get the picture. IBS has screwed up my life royally. While other people try to look at it optimistically, after more than a decade of dealing with this shit (haha), I'm done with optimism- it hasn't gotten me anywhere.
